Tips and suggestions on Women Empowerment and their Safety
(Several methods and suggestions on preventing rapes of women and small kids)
(A special article dedicated to all the women - To prevent assaults on a woman, with a special issue on how to prevent rapes on small girls)
We are hoping that the govt. brings strict regulations and we will see the safe environment around us that assists in women freedom. But, until these changes happen and until our surrounds are safe, I suggest some level of safeguarding for both children and women (for immediate prevention of amusement). Though some of the points might sound to be 'restriction', but for our safety - keeping away from some issues and taking precautionary steps are suggested. Once you see the safe environment, you can neglect these suggestions. Also, this post points only to a portion of men in our society (maybe 30%) who won't change their perception but behaves like monsters, definitely not on all men :D
- This post may NOT be useful for those from metropolitan cities.
- The points are purely from my point of view based on my perception of the serial events that I came across and also based on the personal experience and observation until now.
- I knew that many of you might disagree with some of the points here. But, it's my kind request to take whichever seems fit to you and deny the seemingly unfit content. But, note that others would find those points valid which seems invalid to some of you.
- And, Our whole intention was to prevent women and children harassment, SOMEHOW, and I'm seriously not worried about who needs to compromise and who needs to be restricted. Restrictions is not important than a child's (and woman's) life to my eyes. I hope you understood.
It became very common these days to hear the news of women assaults. Sadly, the trend is moving towards the attacks on small kids too. It’s really horrible to hear those small kids of age 4-15 were ill-treated. A few years ago, we heard Delhi Rape case. And recently, an assault of an eight years old kid had come to light. The attack on the small girl was so cruel that I couldn’t stop myself from making this article. In actual, behind the screens and behind the knowledge of media and everyone, incidents like rapes are happening uncontrollably in our society. Just that many of these news are getting buried for some reasons. According to a government released data sheet – For every 15 minutes, a small girl was getting sexually abused in India. Such a pathetic situation we are in. Apart from that, we hear the news of many foreign women getting molested. Some men are cheaper than monsters that they don’t even leave old woman. While several discussion are happening and we are hearing several reasons for the increase in the attacks on women and kids, no one is coming up with a practical solution on how to prevent and overcome these incidents. Therefore, until the law enforces strict regulations and until there is no fear for women freedom, it is advised that woman should take all the precautions to keep themselves safe from the people roaming in the form of humans.
At this juncture, you might ask why only woman should be cautious? Why only women should get all the advice? Why not we teach the portion of the men to turn them into good? Why can’t we change them rather than asking women to restrict themselves? I know you are also like me who think this way. But, let me answer you in the below paragraphs and if you feel whatever I’m saying is logical, then proceed to read the later paragraphs, else it’s up to you.
1. Why is it useless to teach men?
Let me start with a small fact. If you can answer the single question that I'm going to ask then I will agree with you. We knew that a deer is one of the harmless animals in the jungle. It hardly troubles its fellow animals and thus a deer have equal rights in staying in the jungle. Say, if it encounters a hungry and thirsty lion, what will happen? What will you do? - go and demand with the lion saying that the deer have equal rights just like the lion or take the deer to a safe place such that it is far from access to the lion? which one would you choose? If you normal human with minimal commonsense, you would consider saving the deer by making it hide or escape from the lion. An unintelligent person tends to argue and speak rules in front a dead-hungry lion. Unless the lion is caged, the deer cannot be taken near to it.
Compare the situation with humans, trying to speak rules saying that women have equal rights and why women should restrict herself is like speaking rules in front of the lion. Alright, forget about the lion, let us say there are a bunch of (say 2-3) Fox/Jackles ready to hunt down the poor deer, what would you suggest? still, try to convince and make the Jackles become sane? Will you be able to turn them all into vegeterian from non-vegetarian? How foolish to think like this. Same goes for arguing why only women receive advises, why not the men be changed. Just like it's impossible to change the lion or even the Jackles to vegetarian and ask them to stay friendly with the deer, it's difficult to control the lustful men (immediately) to stop looking at women with bad thoughts and to stop them from doing rapes for these monsters eyes were totally blinded by the desire for sex. Or, if you say you have a way of turning them into sane, then let me also hear that. I will share that too!
Or, cage all the culprits, and the women are free to do whatever they wish - feminism, complete freedom - whatever they wish. The world is theirs! But is that possible to catch all the thirsty men or all the men for that matter? If this two is not possible then the best way to keep our women safe is to monitor them and/or preventing them from encountering the human-monsters.
No amount of marching and candle lighting would bring back the affected kid. People are protesting with the banners 'justice for the kids.' Alright, lets say the SC (supreme court) gave orders to hang the accused, will that solve the problem? will that bring back the dead child? If you can, then let me know, I will also join. Our concern now should not be on how to kill the accused. Even I have the anger of torturing till several months before they are dead, but my current focus was on how to prevent such attempts in the future. I believe, the protests, candle lights are not a solution - not the right solution. Like we try to save the deer by making it invisible to the eyes of the lion, we try to save the child by making them invisible to the eyes of the rapists. I hope you understood the concept.
The fact is only those who can curb their lustful desires by giving importance to the fellow being, especially to women, will take your advices seriously and take it into their minds. But, no matter how much you try to aware a man whose eyes are covered with lust and who seeks to fulfill his desires every time, nothing will enter into such person’s brain. Such monster has no sense of giving respect to women. To his eyes - a small kid, a school girl, a college teen, an adult, an old lady etc. are all the same - a tool to fulfill his sex desires. Regardless of what others are, his eyes are always filled with Kama (sex desire) that he sees every girl/woman with lustful eyes. Such people will always look for an opportunity to find a lonely girl or lure them into traps to ultimately fulfill their thirst for sex. Some of these cowards enjoy in groups, which is the most worrying thing. The fact is - we are surrounded by sex-desiring vampires (say 30% of whole men). Their sex desire burns like fire and they won’t get satisfied with some sex attempts. To many of these human-vampires, they need everyday sex. In fact some desire to have every minute of that pleasure.
You might have noted that the culprits behind the most shocking attacks on girls are not just by uneducated men. The culprits include educated, higher officials, old people (shockingly those above 60 years also included), school/college students, and in many incidents - even by their own family members (relatives, brothers and even by father). Imagine - if even a father/brother couldn’t control his desires, how come an outer (a third person) controls his thirst? Think this carefully. The current generation is such that everything was made available easily. Many of these days movies are focused on how to attract the audience. Exposing and sex in the movies are the best ways of making them watch the movies. That’s their business. But the general public is getting affected by the movies. Hollywood and Bollywood movies are just a small part, for today - the Internet is flooded with plenty of sex videos. So, all these free resources arouse the desires in men. While few can control and put their lust in limits, few men can’t tolerate and wish to get into it. Apart from the two, the third category of men crosses their limits that they couldn’t maintain their control over themselves. To satisfy their sex desires, they are ready to do anything - even killing the assaulted victim.
Consider the incident of 2018 January Asifa’s rape and murder case. The small child of 8 years old was gang rapped for four days and was drugged. They raped her multiple times and had asked their friends too to join them to fulfill their lust. The girl was tortured for 3-4 days before she was stoned to death. The most shocking part was the involvement of 2-3 special polices in that including a retired revenue officer. This is a thinkable thing. If a government revenue office, who is aged and is retired (must be more than 60 years old) used the child to fulfill his sex desire, why wouldn’t a normal adult (between 15 to 35) do that? The aged suspect must already have had sex several times before (for sure at his home, not sure how many times he had sex outside his home), he must also be having sons and/or daughters and Asifa must be like her granddaughter. How cruel and uncontrollable! At the age of retirement, people desire to spend time with their grand children and take the path of religion. But, these sex-vampires have still got the thirst for sex. So, this single example is enough to strongly say that age is of no limit and men will have sex desire all through their life - not necessarily everyone, but just very few are sufficient to destroy the society. Hearing their news, the adult might get more dare of doing sex, for they might think - ‘when the old can’t control how can a young like me can control?’ They will thus be falsely motivated and they might not feel wrong in seducing women.
So, all the above are just to tell that - trying to teach men by making them aware won’t be much useful - given the present scenario. The stage of people hearing to good things had crossed long back. All the attempts of the religious books like Bhagavadgeetha, Kuran and Bible have very less influence on these human-vampires. If you ask me, I have to say that these men are not worth to stay with us - definitely not in this world. Naraka (hell) is the best place for them and I’m sure and I pray to god that they would be kept there until the whole universe exists. They should be tortured and should be fried in oil for several years, cut into pieces, and what not - do all kind of punishments that exists in the three worlds. They must be blown into pieces without showing even 1% of mercy. Many of you might argue that bringing awareness might help in preventing the assaults. Even I would be happy to do that provided people change. Given the above explanations, I’m not having faith that the so-called sex seeking monsters would become sane men. Your expectation on them might not be to turn them into saints. But, you would expect them to turn into ‘a normal man.’ Yet, I can say that such attempts would be useless. Maybe 5% will try to understand why we are saying, but the rest 95% of such vampires won’t find any difference. They continue. If instead we keep our women safe, then, we can avoid 95% of the incidents. Now tell me - which one is better? 95% of women safe or aware only 5% of the vampires?
But yes - awareness is definitely needed. Turning your boy kid from the yearly stage, teaching him the importance of women and the significance of respecting women is required. Aware the kids that all the women should be treated as their own mother or sisters and should respect them as far as possible. I also wish that this kind of awareness for kids should be included in their school textbooks and should be considered as a part of their curriculum. May be this should work. We are trying to tune our next generation. That’s fine. But what about the current and previous generation? How can we stop them? As we had seen that it’s useless to teach the other-than-fresh minds whose minds are already filled with their own perceptions. It’s like trying to straighten the bent tail of a dog. Will a dog’s tail get straight by any chance? No right? That’s why we are here - to try to prevent incidents like rapes around us. The only option (I feel) to stay safe from these other-than-fresh minds (the sex-vampires) is by taking certain precautionary steps. It is possible only if you agree to take precautionary step rather than being adamant of arguing why, as a woman, you should live in a restrictive way instead of changing men.
If you’re like me - wishing to curb the cruel happenings around us rather than worrying about ‘who should be cautious,’ then do check the below tips to make a safe environment to you (to your kids if you’re a parent) and to your surroundings. It’s important that you take care of your surroundings too. In fact, it’s your responsibility! So, caution people (especially females) around you to help in a better and safe world.
Even if you are not married or don’t have kids yet, I would recommend you to go through the below list to get yourself aware of the possible options. In fact, you can teach this to your neighbors and friends to exhibit your responsibility and care for the society. If you can’t go through all the points, I would recommend you to go through the first two points at least.
2. Tips on how to keep your children safe – The possible ways of preventing small girls sexual assaults
2.1 Blindly trusting someone and leaving yourself or your kids with some trusted people.
When I started making this article, I also texted many of my friends (girls) to get their views and to get some suggestions from them. I was really stunned to hear that many of them were once a victim of being abused when they were kids. Though not completely, but just by physical tries like rubbing legs, hands etc. I was shocked further to hear that they were abused by their close people - like uncles, friends of their parents, parents’ cousins/relatives or even by their own brothers. Though some of them might have unknowingly did that because of being immature (like a brother or small kids who got influenced by movies or by the acts of surrounding people), still it is a mistake and need to be avoided. Parents should hold the responsibility of preventing such dangerous encounters by their kids. They should take the responsibility of watching their kids all the time rather than leaving them under the control of others.
A kid doesn’t know what is happening with her because of being immature. Her age is not enough to allow her to understand what is right and what is wrong. She can’t understand the difference between a genuine touch and a lustful touch. Nor, does she bother telling her parents. Some men are sex-vampires that anything can happen with them - any moment. They don’t need a big reason to get sex desire. Even if they see a stone with a sari circled to it, their sex desires evoke.
We are ultimately aiming at keeping the kids (yours as well as kids surrounding you) safe. So, torturing these sex-vampires should only be considered as secondary while trying to keep the kids safe (or all the women for that matter) should be our primary focus. And that’s why you, as a parent should be ever cautious in preventing your kids from running into such trouble.
2.2 Letting your kids move with men
Letting your kids move with men (including relatives, own brothers, friends etc.) without keeping an eye on their internal intentions (if any) and not minding them when they are alone with your girl child is not advisable. Like I said, a man might get aroused sexually - anytime and any moment. And, if the person with whom a girl (or even a kid) was present, then their thoughts might go wild. Consider the recent rape case. Amid the outrageous attempts of thousands and lakhs of people striking to get a proper justice to Asifa’s death (Jammu’s Kathua case), another 7-years old girl was kidnapped from a wedding, raped brutally and was murdered in the village of Etah, Uttar Pradesh on the third week of April 2018. So, one cannot predict what can happen any moment. If you let loose your children without minding where they are, what they are doing, who are talking/luring them etc., others would take advantage of your carelessness and the result would be too dangerous.
Even if there is only 1% of chance that your kid will come across a stranger (or even a known person whose perception is not proper), you shouldn’t neglect that. Don’t be careless and lazy in the matters of your children. Remember, when a human eye gets covered with lust, they become blind that they get ready to do anything. The society has gotten worse that these sex-desiring-vampires are having sex even with animals. For such men, the opportunity of a girl or even a kid is like a boon. So, we should be careful. Especially a mother/father should keep watch of their daughter. They should watch the kid’s surroundings. They should suspect every single soul around the kid/girl even the souls appear genuine. As a parent, you should get prepared for the worst case and think about the worst case happening. So, it’s my advice to all the parents to keep their children around them, and not let them go with any others, that easily.
2.3 Below are the safe measures from your side to keep your kids safe:
- Never leave your girl kids alone with someone – esp. with youngsters, even if they are relatives. Leave only with the trusted men. Keep an eye on them in between and see what they are doing.
- Keep questioning your child about what she plays when she goes out. Men usually seduce children in the name of games. In fact, even boys (more or less of the same age group as your kid) might indulge in such games. Your kid wouldn’t tell that to you thinking that it’s just part of the game. So, you should get the details of the game that she plays, in a casual or friendly manner. If you hear some game to be doubtful, then your next step should be on tracking the game and see if the intention of the game was seriously on something else. Track the culprit and instead of warning him, punish him by making everyone know about him (including police). That way, the person would not repeat the same with others’ children.
- See if the kid spends most of her time with a particular youngster (or any male for that matter). If that is the case, then, you should watch their activity without their notice. Likewise, see if a person wishes to play deliberately with her. If you find anything bad about him, then do inform to police. Don’t just leave him. Because if he is free, he will behave the same with other kids too! Don’t leave him by just warning or preventing him to reach your kid. That act will just be selfish. Instead, make him completely screwed by disclosing about him to the public.
- Don’t let your kids (boy or girl) expose to adult movies, videos, serials or magazines. In particular, keep the books with adult content (or the books that contains just the pics of film actors or models or anything related to women), away from the reach of children. Otherwise, you would stand as a reason behind their false growth. It’s far better to sit with them and watch cartoons rather than make them sit with you while you (or your family members) are watching worthless serials. These days - serials are showing more of love, police, egoistic characters, betrayal, cunningness etc. Instead, if you watch cartoons with them, both you as well as your kid will get relaxed. Apart from that, the cartoons (in particular the animation movies) are filled with plenty of morals, confidence boosters and humors. Let your child watch them. That’s quite better, safe, and will completely be fine.
- Don’t make yourself (being a mother) as the major source of spoiling your child. It is said that children’s imitate their parents in their habits, speech as well as wear. A woman strives to find more comfort, more freedom, and more trendy than men. Trust me, when I was in second class, a neighboring boy of my age would do something weird while he watches TV, that too old movies. At that time, I didn’t know what his acts meant. But, now that I’m writing this and when that flash back is recalling in my mind, I’m realizing that the boy was actually been sexually attracted to the dancing women in the old movies. Their short wears had aroused lust in him. When an 8-9 year’s boy is getting disturbed seeing a woman in half wears, imagine the condition of teens/adult. I hope you understood the importance of why you need restriction to some extent. It’s not for others; it’s for you and for your kids. Your personal interest/agenda shouldn’t be a motivator to your children.
- Teach your children to be cautious and to avoid interacting with strangers. Make them by-heart (memorize) your and/or your husband/wife’s phone numbers. Don’t let your children go to public and secluded places like playgrounds, theatres etc. with youngsters. I had already explained at length about this topic previously. You had also heard several real-life examples about kids getting kidnapped and being raped brutally.
- Keep them far from the Internet till some age. As I had already mentioned, the Internet is completely filled with both good and bad. But, the present generation is more attracted towards the bad rather than the good. Children’s grasp the bad easily and very fast than they grasp the good. They get easily influenced to movies, and in particular to the trendy concepts as shown in Bollywood. But, can you show me any children (children I mean teens too) watching devotional channel? You will hardly find a few and the count could be made with fingers. This example should be enough to prove which part the children grasp fast. Internet is a place where they can easily access the adult content. Even if they were searching something else in the Internet, the present monetizing system and the presence of ads in the website will divert them from their actual search and would take them to some other unwanted website. And as you know, once if someone sees a tempting thing, then it’s hard to bring back their control. This is very true with kids too. Kids might find it strange to watch the adult content. Or, they might get a weird feeling of what is happening in the adult video or the picture that they came across.
- Restrict the type of games that they play. Mind the games that they are playing. Some games have the tendency of arousing the desire in boys. In fact, small girls might get trapped by the nature of the game that they play. Thinking that activities like being rubbed, kissed, or being made to do something else are part of the game, they enjoy taking part in such games. Some of the young adults/relatives (or even the elder ones) might make them play such games to fulfill their temporary desires. So, regardless of how much busy you’re, always keep an eye on the activities and the movements of your children. Cooking, washing, cleaning etc. always exists. You might be busy with those everyday activities. But, watching your children should also be a part of your routine. By watching I mean - like a watchman. Remember - your children’s life is more important than washing, partying, gossiping, relatives, cooking and what not - everything.
- Observe the changes in the habits of your children. The change in behavior of the children can be easily identifiable. Any sudden change in attitude means he/she has been influenced somewhat. The influence might be due to fellow school students, teachers, elders at home, movies, TV’s or even the one trying to seduce the child. So, if your get a doubt about their behavior, then it’s time you find the reason behind their behavioral change.
- Educate your kid and make her say to everyone that she tells each and everything with you and your family members. So that, even by accident if she come across a neighbor or someone who tries to lure and seduce her in the name of a game, her natural habit of saying that she shares everything with mom and dad might fear them and prevent them from making an attempt. At least this way, to some extent, you can make your kids self defensive.
- From the very beginning, make them learn martial arts or any other self-defensive art. A basic (normal) defensive tactics are necessary but definitely not sufficient. If you’re not willing to make them learn and spend time for classes on defensive techniques, at least make them learn some basics. Let me illustrate a real life example. Even if we’re staying in metropolitan cities - mostly flooded with sufficient electricity, we keep candles as a backup. That’s just to make sure that if in case electricity cuts down, then we can use that. In other words ‘being safe side.’ Likewise, backups and keeping ourselves in safer side is very important. Even if you think your kid might not face any trouble and even if you’re 100% sure that your kid don’t need martial and self defensive techniques, it’s required that you make your girl learn them, as a backup. Like candle is needed once in a while (during emergencies) a girl need to be self defensive if in the worst case she encounters any evil persons in a secluded place. Remember, our children’s life is more important than our own commitments. Basic defensive skills are necessary but are not sufficient though.
- Be careful with the following people - tuition masters (who takes tuition at your home or at their own residence), dance, art or music teachers, yoga teachers, or any other person who conducts some teaching class to your kids, especially male trainers. Make them the habit of telling everything to you naturally. This habit in them will help you in future also - when they become mature.
3. What are the ways of men getting chance to seduce women? What are the solutions to prevent rapes?
Before going through the detailed list on how to keep you safe, let’s see the several causes of a male finding an opportunity to seduce a female. If you get to aware of the possible ways, then you (and your kids) are already half protected.
- Blindly trusting your lover - Given that the trend of Love is prevalent, a girl gets into a relationship with a boy hoping that her lover will be genuine and that she can trust him for life long. Their relation would go so well that she puts complete trust on him. And she agrees to whatever he says. But, here is the twist. The guy might just be acting with the girl to trap her until he makes use of the girl. In other words - exploit and have sex with her. That time, the girl would be blinded by the goodness of the boy that their privacy would make her commit to him. But, the guy might be doing that just for his pleasure or to make video of their union to post it in porn websites and earn money or to have the fun of watching it again and again along with his friends. His friends might suddenly turn up and would seduce her till everyone uses her. Who knows what the guy had planned? So, the innocence of the girl and her desire to make a boy friend, just like others, might be completely exploited.
- Falling in the trap of a group of your friends - Many a times, the friends (boys) in the group with whom a girl habitually moves or roams with - might exploit her when they get an opportunity (like during trips, outings, parties, events or even in classroom). Some of them might be waiting for the right time especially for a secluded place. Only when they get to the spot, their real cruelty would be revealed. So, it’s advisable to stay in your caution while with groups. It’s easy to act like a good man - remember that. One or two girls in a group of six plus is always dangerous. Regardless of how good your friends are, precautionary steps should be considered especially during outings.
- Blackmail by a male to cover up the mistakes down by a female - A girl shouldn’t let her secrets known to a male, even if she trusts him as a genuine friend or a well wisher. Men might take advantage of the situation of the girl who had done some mistake - like say doing something without letting their parents know or maintaining a boy friend or even having sex with a boy friend. May be the friend of her boy friend might start threatening her of publicizing about your relation because of which you would find no other option other than committing with him too. So, regardless of any situation and as far as possible, keep your secrets within you and avoid sharing such secrets with your male friends - especially, if you fear for the exposure of your secrets to the public and to your parents. If you move in a group of close friends, then relation with one of the friend might bring advantage to another person in the group who finds ways of blackmailing you.
- Falsely believing that whatever shown in movies is the current trend and is allowed (or accepted). To be frank – blindly carried away by the trend by believing that what everyone around you are doing is correct - is totally bullshit. Just because everyone around you goes to pub doesn’t mean going to a pub is a custom and is the trend or modern. One should maintain their values. One who easily falls to the trend (city life, night life, pubs, life shown in bollywood movies etc.) is the first girl who gets easily trapped and exploited. Some girls won’t mind even if they were stripped publicly during parties, assuming that it is the trend and the way of social life - how idiotic! These girls are easily prone to be trapped. It’s wise to see the truth and restrict things by remembering your values.
- Trying to get an opportunity - like job, loan, becoming celebrity etc. Another reason why many women are getting exploited is because of their desperate need for benefits like getting a job, loan or even becoming a celebrity. For the sake of getting their needs, they were asked to sacrifice their virginity. Some girls have tight financial constraints and have needs that they will instantly accept the offer of having sex with them in exchange for the benefits. Regardless of the needs, a woman shouldn’t let loose her self-respect. She shouldn’t commit and should reject the offer without hesitation. At the same time, she should make sure that the offerer’s (culprit) evil requirements is publicized and dragged out from his seat. This way the woman will become a heroine - by avoiding similar tries by the culprit on some other girls. Cutting the stems is of no use, we should uproot to completely eliminate that.
- Too loose and too tight - Being too loose and shy full would open greater chances of getting attracted by the men seeking sex. Too loose means they tend to accept whatever been told or asked to them. Some men might take this as an advantage. Likewise, being too tight by blaming and insulting men in front of public, scolding them etc. would arouse anger in those men that they decide to harm the girl. The unnecessary attitude of too much of scolding and insulting, that too in front of public, should be avoided. Most people will like to maintain their self respect and if they were insulted in front of people, they can’t tolerate that, due to which they turn into monsters. It is said that a woman stands as the first reason behind a man’s victory as well as downfall. Even if you can’t stand as the reason behind a man’s victory, never be the reason behind his downfall. I’m sure you already know the reason. Being shy is also another cause of being exploited. If you are shy (introvert), try to avoid eye contact with men and try to be far from men - especially those who try to voluntarily speak with you or those who try to speak seriously/angrily with you. A person trying to show his anger ness, unnecessarily, in front of you means he is trying to make you fall into his trap by making you listen like he say, or the person must be loving you deeply. Regardless, if you’re not interested in that guy, swiftly move away and try to avoid speaking with them. Especially, an introvert and a shy girl should go to self defense classes. In fact, I recommend such girls to watch movies – in particular action adventurous movies, mass movies from south India etc. Though the movies would be too hard to digest in terms of fight scenes etc. you might learn on how to be resistive and how to be daring. In fact, I was an introvert long ago. But, watching action movies and Tollywood movies had given me some lesson that changed my attitude. Now, I’m no more an introvert. Likewise, somehow destroy the shyness and fear in you. Especially when dealing with men, be gutful and show the toughness in your eyes and talks - a best way to avoid being trapped.
- Using men for their purpose and throwing them once she exploited/utilized him completely - This is the situation when a girl utilizes a boy by acting as if she was in love with him. The boy, out of love, does everything for her. He will try to provide everything she had asked. After utilizing him to the fullest and after he had spent a good amount of his fortune, she would one day say that she doesn’t like him or she likes someone else and she doesn’t want to be met by him again - something like this. Because of being cheated, the boy might turn outraged that he would find an opportunity to seize her, rape or murder her as well as allow his friends to join him in raping as well as murdering. This is also one reason – making a boy feel like in love while she exhibits fake love. For your own safety, avoid doing this way. As far as possible be self dependent and never have the attitude of utilizing someone - especially for your benefits. Few of my friends (boys) were once seriously looted by girls in the name of love. A friend of mine purchased high end Samsung mobile phones for his lover, who asked him forcefully to gift him. Soon, she said goodbye to him after he went to depression. I know how many sleepless nights he had spent – All night he used to cry. Fortunately, he - my friend, is not a cruel guy and so he left her without doing anything. He himself tried to forget the girl. It took him one year to recover and by the time he was recovering to normal, the girl again started contacting - ‘why didn’t you contacted me these days’ though she got married to another guy because the other guy is in abroad. Later, my friend came to know that she was fedup with that married guy and that’s why she started troubling my friend again. My friend was cautious that he simply avoided her though he tried to help her again financially, as far as he can. It seems some girls need boys just for financial support! And this attitude of utilizing a boy for their purpose and later avoiding the boy - that too to maintain a relation with another boy to get benefits from the new one - would lead to her own downfall. Boys are not money banks. Note that there are very genuine boys who, once committed, won’t tend to look for another girl throughout their lives and if these kinds of boys encounters the girls (with the intention of passing-clouds), then these genuine boys will go mad that many of them would not hesitate to do anything. There are many cases of murder in public and also the usage of acids etc. Externally, whatever happens, we always believe that the boy would be the reason, but the fact is - in some such incidents, girls stand as the major cause of their character change. A girl should give respect to the value given to them by boys. She should openly (and initially) tell whether she is serious about relation or whether she is looking at him as a friend. It’s easy to identify whether the boy is trying to act like a lover or just a friend. Girls have the ability of grasping that. In case if the boy is trying to love the girl and the girl doesn’t like it, she should openly tell her views. If she instead tries to exploit him, then the chances of her getting assaulted is very high. Men, out of anger, would turn into monsters. So never exploit boys in the name of love. Don’t stand yourself as a reason for your own downfall - rape or murder or both.
- While traveling in cabs, especially if the route to your destinations has deserted roads (like the roads passing through forests, lone places, garage etc.), be extra cautious and have doubt on the driver. Keep an eye on the driver and see if he is trying to watch you frequently through the rear view glasses. That’s a symbol that he is trying to peek on you. He is trying to enjoy gazing at you and that very symptom might lead to bring evil thought in him. The driver must’ve been watching girls frequently while he was driving them to their destination and one day his desires surpass that he decides to seduce the one in his cab. And to avoid this, the girl should be cautious. The girl should grasp whether the driver is thirsty of desires or just a normal driver. The girl should keep her mobile phone ready and should better keep talking with family or friends. She should appear and sound as if she was a woman – a army commander or police lady - that the driver shouldn’t dare to even look at her. A girl should keep track of the route that the driver is taking her, even if she is new to that place. Using google maps extensively is recommended. In case if the cab was driven in an undesired road, she should be ready as a precaution. I advise girls to have an emergency contact number saved in their phones or install suitable apps that alarm the nearby police. With just a touch, the message should reach the police or family instantly. Meanwhile, if the driver attempts, you should act by kicking his ass, as best as you can. Don’t bother even if you kill him, but just be safe. There won’t be any punishment if you hurt or kill a person as a self protection. Probably, you will be fined. But that’s completely fine, rather than getting you troubled. On the other side, you will become a role model to several other girls and other rapists will fear the next time when they thought of seducing girls travelling in their cabs.
- Trying to seek the help of security guards and even polices is also dangerous. After all, they are also men. Two policemen were accused in the recent 8-years old Asifa’s rape and murder case. It was told that some police took bribes to destroy the evidence. Whether this is true or not is not the thing, the real thing is there is a possibility that this could’ve happened. When I was in IIT, I personally heard the stories of security guards trying to molest girls when they came across couples moving in roads. These guards tend to blackmail and as a giveback of letting them go, they want the girl to kiss or even do something. At that instant, neither the boy nor the girl (of the couples) were helpless that they agree to what the guard says. This is not just in one campus, I doubt this kind of blackmails happens in every institute or protected zones with police and guards, and with plenty of enclosed areas, free to do anything. So, try to seek the help of women police and don’t blindly believe men police to prevent the happening of worst case with them.
- Fearful - appearing as if easily influenced by anyone. Men will take advantage of fearful women and force them to seduce. The shy-full women get easily trapped by these rouges that they might become helpless even if they were ill treated. A shy-full girl can’t even openly tell to others about what has happened to her. She keeps her feelings inside and she will get more depressed ultimately bringing suicidal thoughts in her. Instead, a girl should learn to be daring that she should be ready to avoid the rouges as well as trouble them. As a girl, you have nothing to fear. You have everyone’s support - friends, family, relatives, brothers, men, society, foreigners, police, court, ministers, president etc. There is nothing that you should be afraid of – even in giving advantage to men. Even if you did mistake and men try to take advantage to seduce you, you shouldn’t entertain that. You should instead get ready to face the mistake rather than allowing a third person to seduce you. What will the people do with you after they came to know that you did some mistake? May be they will scold or in worst case beat you. That’s it. This is far better than becoming a toy in the hands of the advantage takers. Be strong and daring. After all, you’re a women and it is said that women is more powerful than men, even in epics. Your daringness is your armor. Your self-defense is your strength and, most importantly, your detachment from the unwanted company will be your main weapon to counter the attacks of the attackers. That way, you can prevent being a prey. Be strong in heart even if you’re not physically strong. Your confidence, detachment, will power, self respect, self control, sixth sense, angryness etc. are your real life savers.
- Keeping eye contact - The biggest drawback of yours would be by giving eye contact with men. Though you might have accidentally seen through the eyes of someone around you, but the opposite might take it the other way. He gets attracted to you once he sees you watch him, even if you had seen him for just a fraction of second. You should therefore avoid eye contact as far as possible. You should exhibit your attitude and act as if you’re not at all observing men around you or not at all concerned about their presence. But, on the flip side, keep an eye on the surrounding men. Observe secretly whether they’re trying to gaze at you. If you find someone gazing at you lustfully, then don’t hesitate to throw a quick but sharp look into his eyes with a serious face with eyebrows drawn together. Express facially that you had read his intention and you’re warning him. That very act is enough to drive him nuts. He will for sure become scared of you. On the flip side, if you maintain eye contact keeping a pleasant and casual face, then there are more chances that you’re attracting them towards you. A gateway to get trapped! So be careful and maintain the attitude of showing seriousness and angriness. Show off! Like stated before, a fearful girl has high chances of getting trapped.
- Don’t tell every single thing to a particular person - that includes telling about your very personal and family secrets. I had seen several incidents where men took advantage of that. In fact, this happened with one of my relative. My cousin girl started sharing each and every personal things with a boy, and the boy found so much advantage that he commanded (not asked - commanded) her to leave her parents and elope with him. He even tried to scare her by man handling. Later, we had to interfere and settle the matter by punching him on his face and throwing him out of our sight.
4. Additional tips on how to keep yourself safe
- Look tough in attitude and bear a serious facial appearance even though you aren’t that tough. Even if you’re fearful, don’t show your fear. Your fear in your eyes (and shyness) will give an advantage to men. No men dare to even talk with a daring woman.
- Remove your shyness and introvert nature - be active and brave. Spend time with self in trance and develop your self confidence attitude - the confidence that would help you at times. A shy or introvert girl should go to classes like - martial arts, spoken English, personal building classes and also should better watch action movies, read brave women stories etc.
- Be Self-defensive, resistive and ready to hit/punch.
- Improve your guts and daringness. The truth is women are more daring than men. In fact, men fear for most of the things that women won’t.
- Not be childish in speaks. Never be too talkative and never reveal your weakness. Speak optimal and be work minded.
- Don’t openly tell to your surrounds that you can do anything for the sake of obtaining something. People might take advantage of that.
- Move in groups.
- Avoid instant friendship.
- Don’t tell every single thing to a particular person. The person would take advantage and might try to have authority on you.
- Be cautious, aware of your surroundings and the people, wherever you go. Keep watch on who is observing you continuously and try to move away far from them.
- Avoid strangers, in particularly men, especially when you’re traveling and in parties.
- Behave suspicious and look angry at someone if they keep gazing at you with or without lustful eyes, or if they sit next to you. In that case, give a sharp eye contact showing bitterness in you.
- Keep your mobile all the times in hand. Save SOS number (emergency no.), install safety apps that will let you alarm police or your family with just a click.
- Read faces and minds. Famous saying goes, ‘looks are deceiving’
- Keep an eye on kids, yours as well as someone else. Someone’s kid doesn’t mean we don’t have the responsibility of watching them who was around that kid. Take responsibility and be a human.
- Be careful while in cabs, auto’s etc. As far as possible avoid traveling in lone vehicles -like busses, cars etc.
- Carrying pepper or chilli powder are actually good options. In fact, I would advise to carry small pocket knife.
- Make your parents (esp. brothers) aware of your friends (esp. boys).
Finally, I would like to see you make your friends, family, colleagues etc. aware of the points that you had learnt. Let the world be a better place for everyone to live. Strive for the safety of the kids you know. You can share your views and the message that you wish to share with everyone as a comment in the forum - http://bhanustuff.blogspot.in/2018/04/Stop-Child-Abuse-thoughts-and-opinions.html
Thoughts from our friend - Shubkamini Singh
- If you are traveling in a public bus then always prefer ladies seat or stand near driver seat. If there is no place then keep your handbag between your shoulder and chest. If you are in front of some man then keep your backpack always on back only.
- Carry Pepper spray or paper cutter. or even a safety pin can be used as a weapon.
- Whenever you travel alone in a cab, share all details with your parents and friends so that they can track your ride.
- But if you take a prepaid taxi from airport or railway station then first of all note taxi no. and send it to your parents because in a prepaid taxi you don't get details of the driver. If someone is traveling with driver saying that he knows him never allow them because you have booked that for your own, nobody can share a ride with you.
- Whenever you walk alone on the road, don't look so tired, notice each and everything around you and be prepared for any situation.
- If you are traveling in an auto, keep pretending that you are aware of route and assist driver for your known route. You can notice driver's expression in rear view mirror.
- If you are on the beach then don't stay alone till late night, always be in a group or around a group of people. Don't seek for a more private place.
- If you are going through a breakup then never look for a male shoulder, because in 99% case they just grab the opportunity to having sex with you and yes that's also a rape case but you never know. So Always prefer female friend,Mom and sister. you can talk to your brother also. they know you better than anyone else.
Thank you Shubkamini for sharing your valuable opinions. Like Shubkamini, you may also share your opinions for evryone's benefit in this SYL forum for discussions on women empowerment